Esther Perel’s work was intended to exist behind closed doors. Confidentiality is, after all, the central principle that psychotherapists abide by. And yet, it’s Perel’s desire to break with the status quo that has completely transformed her career and made her one of the most prominent voices—quite literally—in the mental health space.

Go ahead—ask friends how they learned to cope with a breakup or strained family dynamics, and Perel’s name will likely pop up. Perhaps they listen to her hit podcast Where Should We Begin?, landed a coveted ticket to her sold-out live shows, or have her best sellers Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs lining their bookshelves. Whatever the medium, when Perel literally and figuratively opened the doors to her therapy sessions, she sparked mass conversations around love, sex, relationships, grief—and, by doing so, has allowed audiences to find commonality, community, and, perhaps, if inspired, a pathway to healing. 

Of course, despite the popularity of Perel’s (and similar public-figure practitioners’) approach to mental health, problems persist. “Therapy’s mainstreaming has brought less stigma, secrecy, and shame around mental health, however, it’s also led to a hyperfocus on the individual and the self,” Perel explains. “This has left us feeling more isolated and alone, yet many of the challenges we face are collective and best solved together.” 

One of her responses to this dilemma was sparked during the pandemic: Where Should We Begin? A Game of Stories. Through the card game, Perel prompts couples, coworkers, friends, family, or complete strangers to share stories—empowering each other to engage in deep, meaningful conversations and connections. (She even led a round among our Work Friends on set.)

Ahead, the trailblazer shares more about how she’s forged an untraditional career path and made transformational impact.

As a child, I created universes for play where I would act out my own versions of Hit Parade or Eurovision; I was a puppeteer before I became a psychotherapist. Someone told me there was a whole field called psychodrama devoted to this kind of role play, where one learns to transcend the boundaries of family life and the restrictions imposed by society. That’s when I came to Cambridge to finish my Masters in Expressive Arts Therapy. It was there that I learned play is about problem solving and can be a tool that helps us grow and understand the perspective of another.

I had to fight for the title of my first book, Mating in Captivity. The publishers didn’t have a title, but I’d come up with the phrase and workshopped it with my colleagues and friends. I knew it was great. I stuck to my conviction. At the urging of my friend, Helen Fisher, I knew I had to do everything I could, to leave no stone unturned, in convincing them that this was the right title for the book. I had to have tenacity in the face of disappointment.

For years, I longed to lower the four walls of my office—to bring the relational insights and amazing stories that play out there into the public square. It was a gradual expansion from my books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, then to the podcast, “Where Should We Begin?” I wanted listeners to be a fly on the wall and catch a glimpse of a truth rarely revealed: What goes on inside other peoples’ therapy sessions.

I have always been very attentive to my fashion and what I wear. For a long time, therapists were encouraged to dress to hide themselves and to blend in. They weren’t supposed to stand out from the environment, but my patients have always known I wear big earrings. My style has always been elegant, unique, and fashion-forward.

After the podcast came the card game, Where Should We Begin? A Game of Stories. The game is also part of the tour, An Evening with Esther Perel, which we toured in the US last year. Each night is co-created, like a 3,000-person first date. I want to continue finding new ways to create and facilitate live experiences…For anyone entering the field, I would say to keep training and get a good supervision group. Never stop learning.

One of the biggest places we’ve seen the game, Where Should We Begin? A Game of Stories grow is in the corporate world. By telling stories you wouldn’t normally share, you can build trust, foster a sense of belonging, and add play to the work day. 

Leaving the office and going to speak to thousands of people on a sold-out multi-city tour, creating this theatrical, immersive experience—that has been a big challenge to the status quo, I think. It is incredibly important that I hold the complexity in the subjects I talk about while also remaining accessible to people of all ages.